I love the skin I am in, do you?

To my beautiful black skin,

Today and forevermore, I am making the choice to accept you fully exactly as you are. I am in awe of the amazing way you are able to so cleverly assimilate to all the different seasons and climates. I give thanks to you my unique beautiful skin for providing me constant cover, for healing me, for taking full ownership of my entire body and soul throughout all my various growth stages, such as childhood, adolescence, motherhood where I allowed my postpartum scars to make me feel somehow less than proud of the amazing accomplishment, then middle age and for communicating with me in so many ways through your ever-changing surface. Thank you for all the alluring sensations that you provide me such as pleasure, pain and crucial intuitive guidance.

I apologise for all the moments in the past that I had wished you were different, I am sorry for each and every cruel thought that I allowed being aimed towards you, my darling beautiful black skin, I'm sorry for the times I discredited my roots that contributed to making up my skin colour. I'm terribly sorry for the austere actions I've taken to alter your shade, to remove the marks of life that are displayed upon you. I apologise for ever wanting you to be lighter or darker because of the many complex ideas of beauty that were imposed upon me. I am extremely sorry for allowing you to burn due to unnecessary excessive sun exposure, I'm also sorry for at times hiding you from the outside world for fear of being judged because of your appearance, I am sorry for discriminating you, simply for the way that you are. I'm sorry for any of the unconscious or conscious ways I have harmed you in this life.

I'm sorry for all the ways I have embodied the racial distortions within you, based on my racial "hierarchal categorisation" I'm so sorry for consciously believing the illusions that people created by telling me that my skin is any better or worse than any other skin tone. I'm so sorry for the unconscious thinking that my value of beauty and worth had anything to do with my colour. I'm sorry for anything I've unconsciously allowed in relation to your colour which may have created physical, mental or even emotional separation between myself and all other humans who have different skin tones.

I promise you from this day forth to love you unconditionally, I promise to honour and cherish you. I commit to always remember why I chose you to hold my unique soul within you and will always activate your power for the highest good for all, I pledge to heal my relationship to you. I give you assurance I will always recognise your true power.

With gratitude my beautiful black skin, in love and admiration.

Yours,

Marcia

Silence is not always golden.

One of the things that initially inspired me to start writing my book, was the compelling urge to share the story of my journey to authenticity. I am not going to go into all the aspects of my story in this blog, you will have to read the book for the full story. However, In view of all the recent events, I wanted to share a tiny part of it. I believe it will not only resonate with many but will hopefully assist in raising awareness amongst those who have not had such experiences. And to further highlight that united we stand, divided we fall.

Born in the mid-'70s to Jamaican parents who migrated to the UK in the '60s, leaving their beautiful sunny Caribbean island, to start a life in the land of streets which were "paved with gold" good old Great Britain, or at least so they thought, only to be faced with the harsh reality of things like signage that said, "No blacks, no dogs, no Irish" on top of that they faced rejection after rejection for jobs they applied for, and even homes they wanted to live in. This could not have been easy.

My childhood, although quite normal by most standards was also quite a lonely and difficult one. You see, I was one of the very few black children in my school, especially during my primary school years. I was often taunted for the way I looked, the colour of my skin, or even the texture of my hair. There were even times I was teased as my parents had thick Jamaican accents and sounded very different from many of the other children's parents, not to mention the multiple times I was called names such as "golliwog" or "nig nog" and told to go back to where I came from. This certainly highlighted to me even at such a young age, I was so different from everybody else around me. Many of these experiences I encountered certainly left me feeling like an outcast. I never really felt like I quite belonged, or that I was ever good enough.

I am pleased to say though, as I became older and went on to secondary school, I formed friendships with people I could identify with more, this was not just from a race or cultural perspective, but from the mere fact that a lot of them were first-generation British citizens whose parents had also migrated from their respective countries. It was great to finally feel a true sense of belonging. It is now ever so clear to me that fostering solid connections with others is such an integral part of developing fundamentally who we are. Finding my tribe meant I finally felt heard and valued which inevitably boosted my self-confidence.

In 2000, I was fortunate enough to move abroad to the Middle East to begin life as an ex-pat. Although Initially, the experience of moving to a new country, learning to fit in with new social circles and ways of living that were not necessarily familiar to me, was quite hard. I made the best of what was not always a smooth situation, and I can say overall it has been an enriching experience that I am still fortunate enough to be embracing. I have raised my three children here, known as, Third culture kids, yes that is a thing! (TCK) "are individuals who are (or were raised as children) raised in a culture other than that of their parents or the culture of their country of nationality, and live in such an environment during a significant part of their early development years " (source: Wikipedia) so yes, my children are technically citizens of everywhere and nowhere it seems. I am so grateful my children were able to grow up in a country that is exceptionally tolerant and is a melting pot of cultures who live harmoniously.

Of course, It was not unheard of to have subtle instances of discrimination which may have been rationalised with explanations that seemed plausible at the time. I guess pretty much like anywhere else in the world, when you deal with human beings, unfortunately, such things can't be totally avoided. I suppose maybe people are bringing their subconscious beliefs into the equation. However, overall, I would say that my children's experiences growing up were thankfully not similar to mine. My job as a parent has always been to protect my children as much as possible. And for the most part, I feel I did that.

Some of the positive attributes that I have witnessed in my children are that they are extremely adaptive, able to understand cross cultures with ease, extremely open-minded, empathetic, and are excellent communicators. In more recent months it is fair to say things have been mentally and physically demanding and had understandably affected many of us differently. 2020 has undoubtedly been a year of enormous change, especially in regards to bringing an end to this ongoing plight of racial discrimination. Two of my children have now flown the nest, and so are no longer living in the safe haven they once knew as home.

The hardest part about that is not being able to make it all ok for them like before. More recently with yet another unfortunate and unnecessary killing of a black man, I have watched my children with pride take a stand to raise awareness, amongst their peers, shedding light about both overt racism and covert microaggression that is all too often swept under the carpet, as if it is nothing. It makes me so proud to know that even though my children may not have had some of these experiences first hand, they absolutely understand the time for change is now, and as a collective change can happen. Even though these were situations that I once endured when I was their age, the major difference is I would have remained silent about it. Firstly, because I was alone, and secondly, I never had the courage to be the voice of change.

As a child, I was always taught that silence is golden and children should be seen and not heard. I have always believed It is a fallacy that we cannot learn from our children, as I certainly learn from my children daily. I feel so proud to be their mother. They are the future, they want to be that change, and will not be silenced.

#blacklivesmatter #useyourvoice #blackownedbusiness #webuyblack #blackownednews #blackwomanblogs #beingmarciamcleod #blackownedandoperated #blackcreatives #blackauthours #blackliterature

Do you really know what love is?

loving unconditionally was something I really only related to the way in which I loved my children. I guess its true that a mother's love is probably the most popular example of this dimension of love, why is that? maybe because it is based on their ability to understand, be selfless and their willingness to connect irrespective of whatever they are faced with. But on reflection of my own experiences as a child, I have come to question this, as very often a parents love is not always willing to understand, to connect or even forgive in the face of everything.

And what happens then?

To be honest until more recently, I had never ever really considered anything outside that realm. It is a term that I had often thrown around a lot like it was a special location that I could just dip in and out of as I saw fit. When in reality unconditional love is so much more than that. Its much more of an ongoing arduous process that requires us to dig way deep within.

As a mother of three wonderful children who are so amazingly unique in all that they do, however, raising them in this modern age where it is not unheard of to succumb to the pressures of society. This then at times acted as a catalyst for fear driven thoughts being created around how to survive, that anxiety then often became the default mind frame.

It is important to me that my children are allowed to remain imperfectly perfect, and that through showing them compassion and understanding throughout all their various phases in the school of life they will go on to succeed.

What does it look like to love unconditionally?

Once I began to muster up the courage which allowed me to then begin to shine light onto some of the darkest corners of me, and when I began to accept those dark corners, it was then that I can say I began to truly relish the initial taste of the notion of unconditional love.

Being stuck in conditional relationships.

Finding myself in dysfunctional friendships and relationships, where at times I completely obliterated myself in the attempt to love unconditionally, even if it was at the cost of my happiness and often caused me to feel anxious.

I believe, when our relationships are conditional, we don't really have relationships at all.

lets face it.

Why did I do it?

The simple answer is I did it because I subconsciously believed that if I loved a person unconditionally - despite whatever they do, that maybe, just maybe it would change, that somehow my expression of love would somehow dramatically transform them. When the reality is what I had actually done was deplete all my reserves, along with any self respect I had and I was literally in a state where I was dying emotionally.

I became an unrecognisable version of myself, this is inevitably what happens when we avoid our dark corners. We end up chasing illusions of our own being while somehow totally ignoring all the dark matter that we are wading through and so unfortunately the dark we start off ignoring ends up totally consuming us.

How to begin loving unconditionally?

I suggest you start with small baby steps, remove any existing anger you hold for this is indeed only directed from yourself. Forgiveness is key. Acknowledge all your imperfections, remember we are all imperfectly perfect and that is ok. Acceptance is imperative on the journey of embracing unconditional love.

Learn to forgive others too, as they are not perfect either, when you do this it puts you into a more relaxed state.

These are just a few snippets of how unconditional love feels.

Love is indeed the absolute highest calling of our existence, simply because it demands that we accept and embrace our imperfections and use our creativity to love through them. The equation is a very simplistic one, if we can love ourselves we can certainly love each other.

Always remember, you are enough!

Having self doubt is essentially a lack of belief in your own talents and abilities as well as an outward expression of inadequacy.

repeat this...

I am enough.